King Vijay Mallya’s Broken Kingdom

           Photo: Royal Challengers Bangalore

Once upon a time there lived a little prince called Vijay Mallya. Prince Mallya could not wait to become the “king of good times”, because his favourite thing in the world was to have, of course, “good times”.

When Mallya finally became the “king of good times”, he was initially very happy with his breweries and the associated responsibility to make everybody drunk – especially himself. But at some point King Mallya was not happy by getting drunk of beer any longer. So he decided to invade the neighbouring Whisky kingdom.

But even the Whisky kingdom bored him soon as well. That is why the King, who was still a prince in his heart, started to play with other things (not what you think). First, he bought a car, but, as so many times before, the car started to be boring, too. Consequently, he bought one more and one more and one more and one more x20 cars and a yacht. Still, he was unhappy.

At some point he thought that the cars might be so boring since they are too slow. Thus, he decided to buy very fast cars (F1), but after these fast cars proved to be not that successful, he got bored again. Next, he wanted to play Cricket and Football – or better: he wanted to see other people, who he owned, play cricket and football. Guess what: he became bored again.

Consequently, the king started to play with aeroplanes, which went well until nobody wanted to play with him any more. But why? He just wanted to have good times. “Mallya’s flamboyant lifestyle is responsible for the debts that Kingfisher Airlines has incurred,” said a Bal Thackeray, someone who is not that fun to play with. But I think it has different reasons.

As it is the right of the King, Mallay “personally picked” the cabin stuff himself and then instructed them “to treat you in the same way as if you were a guest in my own house.” Even though it is very nice that the king “picked” the ladies in red himself, his choice might have focused on other talents than the actual proficiency as a hostess. Further, when your TV does not work, the food is, say, mediocre and sometimes the “home” with wings does not pick you up at all, you might either believe that a) you are not really a guests, or b) his home is pretty shabby.

Yet, our King does not have to worry because he still has enough friends and booze to celebrate himself, even when the bad man Thackery says: “He himself does not know how much he spends on cheer girls during IPL matches.” In addition, the King sits in the Parliament as an “independent” senator, which might help, since the King asked for help from these political plebeians. Finally, he can still “pick” beautiful girls with his altruistic grandeur in his show Kingfisher Calender Girl.

And if that does not help, the King can still invest in fat layers like most Indian politicans do.


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