Get in My Belly

As the Indian government is facing an increasing number of political imbroglios, the congress decided to take drastic measures. The Indian parliament voted unequivocally for an emergency law: eating against anti-corruption.

The epicenter of the recent political eruptions, which shook the Indian government, was not the illegal mining scandal (every reasonable being expected that) but Anna Hazare’s hunger-strike against corruption. With an ingenious campaign, the leading Indian politicians are trying to countervail this obsolete and preposterous act of gandhism. They will continue to eat until the public rightfully realizes that corruption is a part of human nature.

Even Sonia Gandhi, who initially contested this Indira Gandhi philosophy, “because corruption impedes development,” thinks about joining the movement. She simply sees her 2.2 billion $ endangered ever since information about swiss bank accounts leaked. She already increased the amount of rotis in her son’s (Rahul Gandhi) lunch box, which he takes to parliament daily. Decisive political actions, I would say.

The leading figure of the movement is BJP‘s leader Nitin Gadkari, who just went for a bariatric (weight loss) surgery in order to be able to eat more again. The surgeon Muffazal Lakadawala said to The Times: “We’ve operated on half the Cabinet.” His colleague Ramen Goel added: “It’s a good business to be in.” But this eating-policy does not only bring good business to the surgeons, who will undertake about 2000 gastric band surgeries in 2011. The government also hopes to curb the Indian food inflation, which is close to 10%. Unfortunately, the government has not specified on its exact strategy yet. McDonald’s and Domino’s Pizza agreed to support this milestone policy with free lunches for every obese politician, businessman and Bollywood actor.

These dramatic actions might also be due to revelations of Swiss bank accounts. According to these figures India has 1500 billion $ black money hidden in the untouchable caves of the alps. That is more black money than the rest of the world has combined. Sounds much, but actually, merely half of the Indian population (living below the poverty line) has to work one year for that. Still, that was reason enough for the politicians to consider investing their money in fat layers.

Some critiques claim that this policy is outrageous for a country where 43% of the children are malnourished. But anyhow, what do these paupers count? 650 Million people are living of agriculture, but together they contribute less than 18% to the GDP. These mandicants should take the IT sector as a paragon. It employs solely 0.2% of the Indian population and creates up to 5% of the national GDP. Consequently, the IT sector will be rewarded with an extra desert.

Lastly, there is another reason for this intriguing policy: boredom. Since the country is running so flawless and basically by itself, the government faces serious boredom problems. Hence, they will soon commence an internal spare-time Sumo Wrestling league. Former Chief Minister of Karnataka, Yeddyurappa has been announced officially as the referee, due to his elaborate expertise in fair play.

So, there is nothing left to say but bon appitét.

An article from The Telegraph

An article from The Times of India

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3 thoughts on “Get in My Belly

  1. Pingback: King Vijay Mallya’s Broken Kingdom « Triptychon

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